I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
