I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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