i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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