omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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