STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
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its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
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This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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