yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
