smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Let's get the cat blown out
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
