we have officially lost it.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
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so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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