Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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