Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
