Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
