It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
