So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
