return my video game
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
