I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
