yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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