she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
where are my eyebrows?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
