i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
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So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
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My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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