Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
