hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
