The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize