You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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