How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
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I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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