Barsexuality is the new black.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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