I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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