he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize