If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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