He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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