was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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