And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
