Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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