peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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