i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
