We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
