He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
