just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
