you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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