I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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