i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and she was petting her beer can
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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