btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
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she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
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My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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