so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
