Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
