He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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