I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
