Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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