god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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