she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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