Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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