Plan B is the new Plan A
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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