He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
