Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
