she pinky promised me she was 18
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
