I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
