another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
