The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
