I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
