if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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