Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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