Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
