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He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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