Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm at about main and main street
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize